When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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