Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
