Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
