I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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