someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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