idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
