saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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