I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
