I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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