I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
