$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
