every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Randomize