Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
