can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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