I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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