So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize