Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
