Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
is it fun? or sober?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
