Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
