we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My pussy is not your playground.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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