just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
