Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize