i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
