I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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