Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
