This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
