I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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