the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
40s are totally the cure
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
