thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
