anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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