the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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