Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
