No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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