Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
