Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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