omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
