Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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