my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
