She is in my trunk
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
