I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
