I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
