She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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