I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
