do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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