it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
