If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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