I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
