I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
