He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
