Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
