Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
