so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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