so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize