I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
