No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
