when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
