so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
