listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
