dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
