Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
