i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
