If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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