i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
