I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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