She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
