i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize