He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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