Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I know her cup size but not her name....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
