so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
