Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
