he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
