I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize