carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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