last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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