This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
