i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
