I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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