oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
