Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
