Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sext me about skeletons
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
