1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
