I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
