im drinking this country out of the recession.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
