You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
