i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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