I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
