Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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