I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
