You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize