I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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