if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
