the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
