I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
