I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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