I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
